Saturday, April 10, 2004
The first time I knew monsters were real was when my shoe yelled at me.
I was putting on a pair of work shoes and as I picked them up, like normal, I unlaced them, like normal, and then started to slide my foot in when I heard a small yell of "don't hurt me" come from my shoe, definitely NOT normal.
I looked into the shoe and there "it" was. A small furry one eyed monster. To make it more the whole situation more strange it was crying. WT!. The Monty Python line ran through my head "and now for something different". I knew I was on no strange medicines so I said what anyone would say.
"Hello there!"
"Please don't hurt me. I'm small" this comment was ended wit a small wet sniffle.
Well he was small . I had to admit I always thought monsters would be a lot bigger. Less … squishable. It had four legs from what I could see and looked so much like a hairy "thing" from the Adams family. On the end of one long neck was a big soft sad eye. One single eye.
"Now why would I hurt you?" I mean I had not done anything yet and I was a little upset. After all this was my first monster experience. You're never offered a class for things like this in school.
" 'Cause your big".
Ok I admit it, I am big, but I have never hurt little "things".
"I will not hurt you. I promise. My name is Gunner. Who or what are you?"
A puzzled look came over his face and a small tear formed in his eye and he whispered " I don't know".
"Where are you from?" Good follow up question I thought but the reply was like the last.
"I don't know that either" now he started to sniffle. I say "he" because I could tell that he was a little boy, even in a monster boys are obvious.
"Well listen. I have to go to work, will you be here when I get home?"
A very puzzled look came over him. " You're not going to eat me?"
??????
"Now why would you think that?"
"Cause you're big and big things eat little things!" he said, as the sniffles become open bawling.
I reached into the nightstand where I keep my midnight stash of candy and pulled out a candy bar. Tearing the wrapper open as fast as I could I laid a small piece in front of him and said "Eat this, it will make you feel better". I am so glad I pulled my fingers back because he attacked it with the gusto of a famine victim.
"Chomp chomp slurp slurp.....Belch!!!!!!!!"
That was discusting.
"MORE!!" his eye was now locked on the candy bar in my hand, a primal glaze now on his face.
"Only if you stay till I get home" good demand I thought. Plus I had to show the wife that either I was nuts or reality just shifted ala "twilight zone" style.
"I'll stay, I'll stay, more! more! more! more!"
I threw the bar down and headed to work.
Thus I met my first, of many, many monsters.
And life just got weird
I was putting on a pair of work shoes and as I picked them up, like normal, I unlaced them, like normal, and then started to slide my foot in when I heard a small yell of "don't hurt me" come from my shoe, definitely NOT normal.
I looked into the shoe and there "it" was. A small furry one eyed monster. To make it more the whole situation more strange it was crying. WT!. The Monty Python line ran through my head "and now for something different". I knew I was on no strange medicines so I said what anyone would say.
"Hello there!"
"Please don't hurt me. I'm small" this comment was ended wit a small wet sniffle.
Well he was small . I had to admit I always thought monsters would be a lot bigger. Less … squishable. It had four legs from what I could see and looked so much like a hairy "thing" from the Adams family. On the end of one long neck was a big soft sad eye. One single eye.
"Now why would I hurt you?" I mean I had not done anything yet and I was a little upset. After all this was my first monster experience. You're never offered a class for things like this in school.
" 'Cause your big".
Ok I admit it, I am big, but I have never hurt little "things".
"I will not hurt you. I promise. My name is Gunner. Who or what are you?"
A puzzled look came over his face and a small tear formed in his eye and he whispered " I don't know".
"Where are you from?" Good follow up question I thought but the reply was like the last.
"I don't know that either" now he started to sniffle. I say "he" because I could tell that he was a little boy, even in a monster boys are obvious.
"Well listen. I have to go to work, will you be here when I get home?"
A very puzzled look came over him. " You're not going to eat me?"
??????
"Now why would you think that?"
"Cause you're big and big things eat little things!" he said, as the sniffles become open bawling.
I reached into the nightstand where I keep my midnight stash of candy and pulled out a candy bar. Tearing the wrapper open as fast as I could I laid a small piece in front of him and said "Eat this, it will make you feel better". I am so glad I pulled my fingers back because he attacked it with the gusto of a famine victim.
"Chomp chomp slurp slurp.....Belch!!!!!!!!"
That was discusting.
"MORE!!" his eye was now locked on the candy bar in my hand, a primal glaze now on his face.
"Only if you stay till I get home" good demand I thought. Plus I had to show the wife that either I was nuts or reality just shifted ala "twilight zone" style.
"I'll stay, I'll stay, more! more! more! more!"
I threw the bar down and headed to work.
Thus I met my first, of many, many monsters.
And life just got weird
