Monster blog

After the red heart fiasco we all sat down and had a family crafts night. Monsa hands total knowledge of girls and "I LUV U" stuff was from books. With that in mind we sat down and made stuff, and talked. Pulling the box of supplies out we made, cut, pasted, and laced the edges of dozens of little hearts and cards. While we assisted, he did do most of the work himself. I learned he had a flare for this.

I noticed my wife held onto the red silk hearts with a little longing before pasting them, but she held up and we had a good time.

Several things were discovered. The first is that fur, paste, and glue do not go together. The solution to this problem was to wet the fur on his pads down.

Second is that we now know why he says it is a girl. I had only a short look and all I saw was a waving blue monsa, but he saw much more. He says she had a green eye, and the true clincher on why she was a girl was the fact that she had a small green bow in her hair. "The same color as her eye, and only girls wear bows." He said this with a glitter of love in his own eye. We talked about girls with him, but we are limited in one thing. We have no idea how baby monsas are made outside of what Doc. Wilson told us that first night so the entire love aspect of monsa hands is beyond us.

So that night we talked a lot about girls, dating, being nice to each other, and what love means. It was surreal to be having this talk to a 5 inch high, furry, four limbed monsa hand with one eye, but as the ones raising him it had to be done. He took the talk ok, but seems bemused at a few details. So that night Monsa hand went to bed with a large pile of homemade hearts, cards, a frilly pretty things for the little green eyed monsa girl he now is in love with. He told me, before he scurried off to his nest, that he knows she likes him because "she smiled really big, and it feels right".
Ah! To be young, dumb, and in love.

My wife and I were returning from dinner. We needed a night out on the town and I will admit we really enjoyed ourselves. Now Monsa hand said he wanted to stay home, this is strange because he never turns down a chance to go out and see new things. I almost was a little paranoid when he said he wanted to stay because Italian restaurants are his favorite. But no. He stayed and we went off. Stupid stupid stupid.

Getting home my wife and I walked into the kitchen. Monsa hand was calmly writing on small red hearts. He had a whole pile of them. I picked some up and smiled when I read what he had written on them. I LUV U. Over and over on the many 2 inch size hearts.

"Are you making these for the girl monsa hand we saw?" I had a big grin on my face.

"Yes. Girls like hearts and things like this. I read it in books. I want her to know I love her" His one eye was all aglitter with love. He grabbed another heart and started writing again. I was so happy for the little guy. I had not felt this good in awhile.

It lasted about 10 seconds before chaos occurred.

My wife had picked one the hearts up and with a puzzled look asked the question that brought on the chaos. "Monsa. Where did you get these hearts?". Now I had only looked at them as hearts, a symbol of love. I then looked closer. They seemed to be made of cloth, nice cloth, silky nice cloth. Red silky nice cloth.

Oh no!

Monsa hand stood and with a smile pointed to the corner and proclaimed with a smile "You know that old red shirt that you said you could not wear. I used it". Now he was pointing into the corner. My wife and I turned to look and there it was. My wife's favorite red silk blouse. Bought on our first vacation to Hawaii. She had said earlier in the week she could not wear it. But she had said she could not wear it because it was only for special occasions and she did not want to mess it up.

She whirled and monsa hand immediately knew he was in trouble. He swiped up in one arm as many hearts as he could and took off running, as well as he could with three legs, and right behind him my wife. "Don't you run from me you little rat!"

At this point the chase was on. I did not watch it, this was going to be to messy for me to watch. I retreated from the field of battle. The last I saw before I closed the door to the bedroom was her holding the edge of the lazyboy up and reaching under it for him. Her words of "You better quit biting me you rat" and his retort "They're my hearts. You can't have them".

Later, much later, when she came to bed she laid down silently. She was way too upset for words. I just said nothing.

I awoke during the night and went to see the damage. Walking into the kitchen and looking around I decided it was not as bad as I thought it would be. The tables were over turned and several cabinets were open. But it was one of their worst fights yet. They had fought before but never this much. I will admit here I was a little scared. Monsa hand was old enough to take care of himself, or at least he thought he was, and if he ran away..well I did not want to think of it.

I went into the livingroom to see the damage. Except for some furniture shifted it looked ok. There were little hearts scattered all over the place and I started to pick them up. A quite little voice above my head was heard "She said I could keep them." he ended it with a little sniff. I looked up and on top of the bookshelf was one furry sad little brown eye looking down at me. "She said I am really in trouble but she knows I did not do it to be mean" The eye disappeared and a few quite sobs were all I heard.

"Monsa? Monsa?" I kept calling till he looked over the edge again. I handed him the hearts I had picked up. He took them and retreated into the corner again. "She yelled at me and I..I...I was trying to be nice. I'm just stupid." This statement ended with a sob, then silence.

Well I spent the next hour talking him down and then just talking to him. I finally got him to tell me what my wife said. Before she finally went to bed she informed him that he owed her one red silk blouse and how much it would cost. He said he did not have that much money saved. Right then I informed him he had to start earning money to pay her back by doing extra chores. We already had him doing some, symbolic mainly, as with his size he could not do much. Now he had to start doing a lot more to earn the money.

Things were tense around the house for a few days, and monsa hand hated the jobs my wife found for him. But as the victim of his love, she got to pick the chores, while I picked the monetary value of each to balance it all out.

But as time heals all wound, and buys new blouses, things got back to normal. If you could ever call it normal around here.

i saw a monsa like me
it was a girl
biggy says i cannot know
but i do
she is a girl
she was blue and has a green eye
she is pretty
i love her

monsa hand not big stinky one

800 dollars, a bruised nose, and it was all worth it. For you see, I saw my first monsa hand, other then Monsa.

I have finally agreed to take him places if he behaves himself, and he has. He rides hidden in my pocket, peaking out and seeing a big wide world. He has been really acting well, and his questions show a side to life I have not seen. Now when we do go out and I drive he likes to ride perched on the passenger door looking out the window. If anyone does see him they will think ugly Garfield stuck there or something.

Traffic was bad that day and it was bumper to bumper. Standard rush hour traffic. Traffic in my lane had just started to move when I heard monsa hand ask "Am I blue?".
Keeping an eye on the road I answered "No. You're brown dude". I did not understand the depth of that question. It meant a lot more then I thought.
"So that's not my reflection?" His voice had changed and it had a lot of energy in it.
"What?" I turned and there, in the window of the next car sat another monsa hand. It was blue and waving one small furry leg at us, and monsa hand was waving back.
"Holy crud! It's another ..."
THUD!!!!
Yep. I rear ended the car in front of me. My head went forward and I bopped my nose against the steering wheel. Monsa went flying down to the floorboard. The sad thing is that the other car drove on, not even seeing what happened.

So here I sit typing with a big red nose, one that monsa hand calls a clown nose, and am happy beyond all belief. Monsa just got a little bruise. But I saw one. I saw another monsa hand. Blue and about the same size. Now I truly know Monsa hand is not alone in this world.

Happy happy happy.

"Get off! Get off! Get off NOW!!" was what woke me one fine morning. That scream was followed by a thud as monsa hand was flung across the room. Now something to know is that this was not uncommon, the throwing, not the screaming. OK. There seems to be a lot more screaming then there should be, but back to the throwing.

Monsa hand ended up airborne one day due to a bare foot, him being mad at me, and him thinking biting my foot would be a good idea to "punish me" for punishing him. Reflexes being what they are when he took a big 6 fanged bite I automatically kicked out and he went flying across the room and hit the wall. The second I kicked I knew it was the wrong thing to do. I saw the poor little furry guy flying across the room to finally be stopped by the wall.
I ran across the room, heart pounding, and looked down at the furry little guy just lying there. His one eye opened slowly and he looked up at me.
"Monsa? Are you OK?" I was pretty scared at this point.
He slowly stood up, looked at me, grinned, and yelled "Do it again. Throw me! Throw me! That was fun!"

Turns out he liked it. Seems he flies naturally like some flying squirrel. So I agreed, but limited him to a few throws a day. It still seems weird to do it, but he really likes it. He even paid me a Hershey's kiss to throw him one time. Not sure if it is an adrenaline rush, or if nature does it, but throwing monsa is now part of our life.

But back to the screaming.

I sat up trying to figure out what the heck was going on.
"The little rat was licking my forehead while I was sleeping" To say my wife was unhappy would be an understatement.
"Licking your forehead?" This was new to me.
By now Monsa hand had crawled back onto the bed. "She yelled at me" he gave a small sniff.
"Monsa. You scared her." I gave him the standard disapproving look parents are well known for. "Why were you trying to lick her head?"
"She smelled good" He had an earnest look on his face, so I knew he was not fibbing.
"Dear. Why do you smell good?" I looked at her with the same confused look she seemed to have.
"No idea." She wiped her hand across her forehead and smelled it. A strange look came over her and she placed her hand out so I could smell it.
Now I was even more confused. "Why does your forehead smell vaguely like chocolate"

"I don't know. Why are you two looking at...Wait!" She hopped up and ran into the bathroom and returned with a small bottle. She handed it to me and with a smile told me to smell it. I did. The smell of pure chocolate wafted up from the tube. I looked at the label and started to laugh. "Monsa come here."
He hoped onto my lap and I held the bottle for him to read. "What does that say"
He smiled when he read it. "Cocoa butter lotion! Yummy" he made a grab for it but I pulled it away. Good reflexes develop with a hyperactive monsa living with you.
"Stop!" he did but was not happy. I opened it and squirted a little onto my finger. "Here, try this."
The look on his face after he took the first lick was horrible. He stuck his tongue out and took off heading for the bathroom. The resulting running water I heard was, most likely, his tongue being washed off. "You OK in there?"
"Yeth" we heard through the water. yep. Washing his tongue.

Well after washing his tongue off we promised not to get anything with chocolate or cocoa in it that was not edible. We also told him not to lick anyone's head, or anything. No matter how chocolatey it smells.
When asked why he was in here at night his answer almost made my wife cry."I just like to make sure you two are OK. I don't want anything to happen to you"
With a kiss from both of us he scurried back down to his nest and we retired back to bed.
"You know dear" My wife said before she went to sleep "I really love the furry guy."

I do too.