Monster blog

I called Doc Wilson and he said to bring Monsa hand right in to be examined. That was easier said then done.

The problem was that monsa hand had time to think about going to the dentist and he decided that he had better things to do. So he hid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a small furry monster who can climb in the walls who wishes to remain hidden?

Things looked bad until my dear wife stepped in. Instead of trying to find the scared little guy she just sat down and talked to him.

She explained that we loved him and that we were hurting with him. She then said we would be with him the whole time and Doc Wilson is kind and would never hurt him.

After a few minutes of my wife's calming voice he finally came out and allowed me to carry him to the car.

The drive over was pretty solemn. Poor monsa hand was so scared that he was shaking. The trust he put in us was touching, and I hoped his trust did not get betrayed by pain.

This was the first time I have ever seen him so scared that he cried. All I could do was hold him and whisper gently to him how much we loved him.

Monsa hand had been avoiding me for a couple of days. Since he is normally an outgoing little guy I was getting worried. So I went to someone who might know what was wrong.

"Theo, did I upset Monsa? He seems to leave the room when I enter."
She scrunched up her head and thought for a moment. "He told me not to tell, but he is hurting Biggy."
"Hurting?"
"His tooth. He was eating some chocolate covered peanuts and one was hard and it hurt his tooth. He says it aches and he's afraid."
Now this got my attention. Monsa hand was brave to the point of being reckless. "What is he afraid of?"
"He thinks if you find out he is broken he will have to leave. He's a big goofy."

So that was the problem. The poor guy thought that if I see he is "broken" I will make him leave.

"Monsa hand! Come here now!" I scooted Theo out of the room and when monsa hand peeked around the corner I motioned him to come closer to me.
"How are you doing guy?
"Ok." he muttered without opening his mouth at all.

"You know how much I love you. Don't you?"
"Yes" sniff
"What's wrong, you can tell me?"
He paused and I could tell he was gathering up all the bravery such a small body possessed and he opened his mouth.
"It hurts all the time and I'm afraid" Well since his mouth was open it came out "ig hurgs agg og the tige and i'g agraid"
I immediately found the problem when I touched his top middle fang.
"OUCHHHH!" he then bit me causing him to use his fang and cried out again.
"OUCHHHHH!
"Stop biting me shrimp." I picked him up and prepared to tell him the bad news.

"Guy. You have a loose tooth and we need to go see Doc Wilson so he can fix it."
"His one sad eye popped open at the word 'fix'.
"He can make it not hurt? Let's go now." he then jumped off me and took off for the door.

Thus our first dentist trip for monsa hand.

Elizabeth had taken Theo to go perfume shopping. It seems even lady monsters have a need to look and smell nice for their guys. So that day it was just monsa hand and myself. To guys sitting there watching TV and talking about girls.

"But she says I have to bath daily. That's not right!" He wailed.
"You like her kisses?"
"Yes"
"Well then" I said "you better make her happy, and if that is one of the things that will make her happy then do it.
"Well she also wants to put up a horse picture in my nest. and that means I will have to take down a Curious George poster and I DON'T WANT TO!"
"You like her coming down here and spending time with you in the nest?"
He lowered his head and with a grin answered very honestly "Very much so. I do like"
"Well then you need to understand that it may become more then just your nest, it may become a nest for both of you. Would you like that?"
He scrunched his small forehead up and thought for a bit. "Will I have to paint the walls pink?"
"Probably not. But we may want to paint it a new color that both of you like, so you can share the walls with your posters evenly. Some of hers and some of yours. Does that sound fair?"
"Yes. " he then paused and I could tell he was trying to build the courage to ask me something.

"Theo and I have talked some biggy and we were wondering if she could move down here this weekend. If that is ok with you?"
"Of course it is. Let me guess. theo is asking the same question of Elizabeth right now?"
"Yep! We thought it best to ask separately. Us guys and the girls"

So Saturday we took his posters down, painted his walls a nice shade of Reeces peanut butter cup orange, and moved her stuff down. I really think they were a little embarrassed. But my wife and I were very happy. Monsa had finally found true love.

"You know dear" my wife said "soon there may be little furry ones running around"
Oh No.

"Biggy?"
"What?"
"Thanks for letting Theo move here. She makes me really happy"
"Sure do like those kisses, don't you."
"Gentleman do not talk...but yes I do. They tickle."
"No problem"

Boys and girls. It seems that boy monsters and girl monsters have some differences.

The fangs. All monsters have smaller teeth like molars and such. Almost what some would call milk teeth. But for a monster they are not worth even thinking about. The only real teeth worth anything are their fangs. Now guy monsters have six in total. Three on top and three on the bottom. Why six? No idea. The girl monsters have four. I know this because Theo only has four and a call to Doc Wilson verified that four was the correct number for her. Again why? No idea. It is just how they are.

Now even their claws are slightly different. Monsa hands claws are about as twice as wide as Theo's, but not as sharp on the tip. Theo's are sharper then my best knife. I know because one day when she grabbed a piece of chocolate from my dessert plate I grabbed her. Well as any monster would she started to defend "her" chocolate. That was painful to say the least, but I did get it back. Not sure if it was worth the punctures, but it was mine.

Now the main thing is chocolate. Doc Wilson, and David all agree that monster hands are born with an insatiable desire to eat and horde chocolate. That can be used to an advantage. While they will work to make some money to have me buy them chocolate, they will work twice as hard for the chocolate.

Metabolism. Wow. I found out their bodies have some strange things going on in it. When Elizabeth shaved Monsa hand for entering the shower with her his hair grew back in seconds with a little rogaine. I also found that medicine is super fast in them. Once Theo had a headache and I offered her a childrens asperin. She took three licks from it to see if it was good and wham! The headache was gone.

Breakfast is another example. They will eat it all in a hurry, and yet by the time I finish they have unplumped, and are asking for more. I truely envy them for that ability. They will be chubby one second and burn it off in just minutes.

So the monsters, for me, are a learning experiance. I think overall I am doing a good job as a dad to them, but figuring out what is going on with them is half the battle.

But I would not exchange it for anything.

Breakfast is an ritual every morning. It normally goes like this.

I grab some eggs to scramble some for all of us. Theo or Monsa hand, whomever is closest, reminds me to get the chocolate syrup for their portion. Even if I have it in my hand they remind me. I then scramble up a batch of eggs and start two pans on the stove. Two eggs in one for them, and 6 eggs in the other for Elizabeth and I.

They then watch carefully to make sure I do not short change them in the syrup department.
"More! More!..Just a little more. Ok!" It is like a line from a script the recite every morning. My wife just reminds me not to burn ours while I deal with theirs. One time and she never lets me live it down. That and the time I added bleach to a load of laundry. She has a long memory.

I then take the plates to the table loaded with eggs and toast. By the time I get to the fridge and pour some milk for us and return their chocolate eggs are gone. They then just lay there like bloated ticks with bloated bellies. A look of chocolate nirvana on their faces. Bellies full of the eggy-chocolaty goodness I prepared.
By the time my wife and I finish they are ready for more and remind me, over and over.

I then counter-remind them that I never cook them extra eggs so why do they keep asking.
"Because one day you might". Then they scurry off to do whatever they do while I am at work.
Every day the same small circus occurs in our kitchen. Like a well practice play. They know their lines and I know mine.

hi. i am theo and i live here now, i moved here cause i like monsa hand
i have my own pink nest but i get scared at night so i stayed in biggys room
but he farts in his sleep a lot and it is real bad
so now when i am scared i stay with monsa hand at night
he does not fart at all in his sleep
i like the fish next door and we feed them every day
elizabeth is really nice to me, she lets me use her perfume whenever i want
elizabeth does not fart at night so i like her more
i have pictures of dogs on my wall, i like dogs but biggy will not get one
he says they make him sneeze
i can write really good because david taught me how to
i also like to write to david in florida where he lives now

theo

Well true love has blossomed here in the Biggy household all due to an electric storm.

My wife and I first made the discovery that Theo was very afraid of lightning and thunder during the first storm we had. It had been going on for just a few minutes when I felt her touching my hand gently. I looked over and saw a very scared Theo.
"Can I stay in here tonight?" The scared look on her face was sad to behold.
Well of course I said she could. My wife and I got a small throw pillow and laid it between our pillows and she rested there during stormy nights.

She was suffering a little insecurity and the storm just was too much at the time. Every once in a while I would feel her reach over and lay a small pad on my shoulder to make sure we were still there. Normally right when the storm ended she would shuffle off back to her nest in the guest room. It became such a regular occurrence that when storms were expected I would go ahead and lay the pillow there even before she came in the room.

Until that one night.
A large noisy storm had started early that night so when my wife and I went to bed we got the small pillow out and laid it down. We knew she would show up when she needed the company.

My wife woke me up by shaking me. "Wake up. Wake up gunner, Theo's not here and the storm has been going on for an hour. Go check on her. Now!". So as the good husband I went to go check on her. Why my wife couldn't was beyond me, but a husband has to do what he has to do.
When I got to her room I noticed that her nightlight was off. She always slept with it on. Monsa hand had even picked it our for her. It was a Curious George nightlight. She was also just a bit timid of the dark. I looked in and noticed one thing. She was gone. Her stuff was there, but not her. So walking through the dark I started checking each room and whispering her name. I of course went right to the kitchen to start with to see if she was into the chocolate. But no luck.

Then it hit me.

I walked down stairs and looked quietly into Monsa hands nest area. There she was. Monsa hand must have pulled a pillow off of the couch for her because there she was asleep next to monsa hand. He was asleep on his curious George doll. But since I was not there to comfort her she had reached out in her sleep and had her small arm laid upon his. They looked so small and in love in that simple pose.

I just backed up and walked upstairs with out a noise. I informed my wife that love was in the air and all was well with the two furry ones.

Well today was a good day, well at least it ended good. Monsa hand broke a basic rule today and it could have turned out very bad but didn't.

It started, from what they told me, when Monsa hand wanted to show Theo the Koi in the pond next door. He has always looked at them as sort of his. Now I had always told him to make sure he stayed out of sight of others because some people would react badly to monsters. He understood it and was real good, but this time he slipped.

"that's the smallest one there and that's the biggest one there. It is almost all orange" Monsa was telling Theo about the Koi because he could identify each one individually. Although they were in the neighbors backyard I allowed him to visit if he was careful.
"Did you name them? Because you have to name your pets." Theo, because she considered the dog that lived next to her as her pet was the authority on pet management.
Yes. The big one is named George because I like Curious George and I like the big fish the best. He's big"

Well this is when it happened. From behind, and above them a voice spoke out. "since the big one is a girl she may not like a boy name like George."
Theo said they twirled and was about to run when the person spoke the words that would control every monster on the planets.

"Want some chocolate?" There stood Mrs. Kane holding out in her hand two small chocolate bars. She sat them down and backed up and sat down on the edge of her porch.
"I thought there was only one walker living nearby, but it looks like you have found a friend. I'm Mrs Kane, and you are?"

By now they were chomping on the candy bars and through full mouths muttered their names.
"Monster hand and Theo. That is a nice pair of names. My uncle, when I was so so young, had a pair living with him and Aunt Polly. They were named Red and Rose. I loved going over their to visit. I was the only niece that knew they lived there. I accidentally dropped a chocolate bar one day and before I could pick it up the two had run out from under the couch, grabbed it, and were chanting 'finders keepers' and refused to give it back. That was my first experience with them."

By now the two were sitting there just looking at her. Candy bars do not last long with those two eating machines.
"are you going to be mean to us, we were warned never to let others see us. I think Biggy is going to get mad."
"Well since you returned the Koi you took that day.."
"Gunner made me. I wanted a pet but he yelled at me and made me take it back. I even had a bowl of water for it to live in"

"..well yes, but they do need a large pond, and friends. Listen. Do you want to be the Koi's friends?"
Theo and Monster Hand had to think for only a second
"Yes! Yes! We will be there friends!"

"Good. Come by every day and I will have some food set out here on the back porch in a small bowl and you can feed them. Also if any look sick come in and tell me right away. OK?"
"OK!" With that they ran back here to our homestead to inform me of their new friend and their very big responsibility.

So know I can be a lot less afraid when they go next door to look at the fish. I will always be scared that one day someone may take them from us, but for now all I can do is protect them as much as I can

By they way. George the fish is now Georgina the fish

They paused as they thought about what I had said, then they reacted just like I knew they would.
"Arrrggghhhhh!!!!!" throwing themselves down they burst into tears. Here it comes.
Those poor chocolate loving monsters were experiencing the bad part of day after celebrations.

The day the candy sales end.

"They are all mean and should go to jail!" wailed Theo with monsa hand throwing in his "They're all poo poo heads" for good show.
Now to tell the truth I was not upset for them. I had already gone through this with monsa hand the week or so after every Day After holiday.

They spend weeks earning money just waiting for the sales to occur. Then when their money runs out, and I will admit I buy most of it because they have no real concept of cost, they go into hysterics. So for me the next week will be filled with sad monsters weeping about how life is so cruel to them and them alone.

Day afters include every holiday that involves candy in any sort. Halloween, Easter, Valentines Day, 4th of July, and Human Birthdays. Yes even birthdays. They demand that my wife and I have chocolate cake, and the leftovers end up in their bellies over the next few days. I have yet to finish a cake with them in the house. There are things you have to accept if you have monsters living with you.

So here I sit with two sad, despondent monsters weeping about the cruel fate that is their path in life. For them it is either feast, or famine. Today it is famine.

happy day after
happy day after
i got a lot of candy
i like the chocolate eggs
they are not real eggs
the bunny is not real
theo got chocolate to
the green grass tasted bad
i ate to much
my stomach hurts
but that is ok


monsa hand not biggy

Just looking at them sitting in front of me can make anyone happy. On the table sat two large Easter baskets full of the best sugary goodness that Hershey's and the multitude of other candy makers can deliver nestled in a pile of artificial green grass. They were wrapped in color cellophane and tied with a bow. My wife always enjoyed Easter and it is a big fun day for us.

Next to the baskets were two small furry mounds. My two small monsters, and what were they doing? They were staring at the baskets with a ferel look that implied that if I looked away for one second trouble would occur. The fact that they were drooling was a sure sign of a desperate chocolate starved monster. The fact that I had just gave them a whole candy bar each seconds ago had no bearing. If there is chocolate available, then they are starving.

"Guys? You don't have plans to eat any of my candy now do you?"
They both looked up at me and with angelic faces spoke words that had no truth in them. "No! We have no plans to touch them..mutter mutter mutter"
Ah! The famous "mutter". Monsa hand thought that if he muttered the words real low that they became law and he was covered. Trouble is I did not allow him to mutter.
"WHAT!"
"I...I...I said we had no plans to touch them, but we may EAT them" He gave me a big smile and they both turned back to resume their vigil on the chocolate offerings in front of them.

Now I knew that my basket had no chance of survival if left out so with a flourish I picked the baskets up and walked to the fridge. The fridge with a monster proof lock on it. In the baskets went and with a click I locked them away.
"UGLY!!" Well with that thrown at me they hopped off the table and scurried into the other room. Most likely to try for the millionth time to get into the fridge. The place where our chocolate, fudge, and cocoa resides. He will never get past the lock, but he will also never, never, stop trying.

"Now sit there and do not say one word."
My dear wife was not just talking to me, but to all three of us. Monsa hand, Theo and I were quietly sitting there as she walked towards the fridge.
"Now look guys. I would not eat worms and you know better to believe half the stuff "biggy" tells you. Right?
They simply nodded and kept quiet.

She reached into the fridge and brought out a bag of baby carrots. The type she likes to prepare in the vegetable steamer. She also withdrew a whole carrot. Green stem and all.
"Now this is a carrot. You have seen bugs bunny eat them all the time. Right?"
They silently nodded.
"Now this is simply a bag of small baby carrots. They are not worms. You know what that means?"
They slowly nodded but I could tell they were not totally convinced. It was at this moment that I knew I would be on the couch that night.

I leaned down and in a whisper that even my dear wife could hear said the words that got me in the dog house "It means that she stole those baby carrots from their sad mommies. Then she eats them"
Theo's one eye got real large and she made a fast look towards my wife
"Baby eater?!?! Arggghhhh" and she took off like a rocket towards the door.
Monsa hand simply glared at me and started after her yelling "rule number
three, rule number three"

I also took off for the door, but I was a little to slow. The bag of carrots look small but when hitting the back of your own head it can hurt.
Again my job here was done.

Well Theo and I had a great day today. It started when she marched into the room with Monsa shadowing her like he has for days.
"Biggy, I need your help please."
"What help?"
"I want to write Davy a letter and I need you to write it for me. Your pens are way too big for me. Davy always brought home pencils from bowling alleys for me to write with. "

So Theo and I went into the kitchen and we wrote a letter to Davy. She wanted to tell him that Monsa, My wife, and I were being nice to her and she was enjoying herself. She did have me write that I still farted in my sleep and she kept the door shut to her nest because of it, but I was still OK in her book.
At one point of the letter she crawled up onto my shoulder and whispered one part. "Tell him that monsa and I have kissed and I like him a lot. He's cute and I got him to clean his nest regularly."
"OK."

With letter in hand we went to the post office that night. I mailed it after she checked the address more than 5 times to make sure she had it right.
While she settled in nicely here in our home, letter writing became part of her way to stay connected to Davy.
And yes if you ask. I did go bowling the next week and brought home a whole handful of those weird small yellow pencils for her. Letters are personal and it was the right thing to do.